This week marks the end of my maternity leave and the start of a new chapter. Well, an adjustment to a new chapter?
It’s crazy how fast three months went and how fast our girl is growing! Tuesday was Lyra’s first day of daycare. For the record, yes, I did cry on the way to work that day. We love her daycare but as any parent who has to leave their child with someone else while they work knows, the first drop off is the hardest. She and I haven’t been apart more than a few hours since she was born! So it was a bit rough but once I got to work and back in the swing of things I felt better. (I only called daycare to check up on her once!) Now, at the end of the week it’s starting to feel easier.
Driving her to daycare yesterday I started thinking about how weird it was that I was driving anyone to daycare and then would be heading back home to work from our house rather than in the office. It made me realize how much emphasis I put on being a “full time worker” and designer. It made me realize how much I defined myself by those things and that while I’m excited by the new changes, there is some discomfort mixed in as well. I have to get used to and comfortable with my new definition of myself. We all define ourselves by something, consciously or not, and I didn’t even realize some of my own until they changed.
I’ve been working since I was 15. I started at Taco Bell and still remember how to make a mexi melt. (delicious!) My parents didn’t force me to work at that age but I wanted to make my own money. It was a bit of freedom. Work hard, make your own money and you can buy whatever you want! I’ve kept that work ethic over the years; sometimes with perfectionist and over planning tendencies. I’ve always wanted to do the best I could at what I did. Fast forward 15 years and I have been working full-time as a graphic designer for 10 years already. (yes, I realized the other day that it’s been 10 years since I graduated college, and even longer since I turned 21. Someone please tell me when that happened?!)
I’ve worked hard to get where I am in my career. I’ve had ups and downs. Turns and flips. Now though, while I still work hard the goal is different. At the end of the day I want to be a hard worker, a good mother, a good wife, a good coach, a good daughter. To be all of those takes a new balance in my life and with that comes a new definition of self.
I’ve added mother to my definition, which is amazing but also I’m working part-time. I am very blessed to be able to do this and to work for a great company that will give me the option to do it. It’s a change for me though. I was thinking about my last post about the discomfort of change and at the time I didn’t even realize this transition was a part of it. Driving Lyra to daycare today highlighted that I am creating new normal. Normal used to be going to work everyday, working hard, coming home and working on my coaching biz, then hanging with my husband. Now my schedule is changing. My new normal includes 2 days a week with my daughter, 2 days a week in the office, and 1 day working from home, then working on my coaching in the evenings and hanging with my family on the weekends. To be honest, I’m really excited about it. It’s a lot to balance and I may not always get it right but I’m going to try.
My definition is changing. I’m still a designer and a hard worker but I’m also a coach, a mom, a wife, a daughter, etc. My definition is so much more than one thing. In writing this I’m realizing too that I use to gauge my achievement on my work. That has changed as well because being successful in my own mind is about so much more than work. It’s a part of it, sure, but not the whole thing. So not only does my definition have to change but the way I define success.
We get to determine our definition and how we see success. That gives you incredible power over yourself. It gives you the power to decide who you want to be and how you want to move forward. So how do you define yourself? What determines success for you? Can you recall a time when your definition changed?
* I’ll tell you sometimes I define myself as “poop checker” and success is loading the dishwasher. Hey, its not always glamorous but it keeps things interesting!